Setting Boundaries
It has been said before that there are benefits to setting boundaries with family, friends, and coworkers. To do this you need to actively communicate your needs and wants in any given situation. Being able to communicate in this way can lead to many benefits in your life. This simple act can boost your self-esteem, prioritize your mental and emotional health, and improve your overall well-being. Well that all sounds great right? But the real question is HOW?
Learning how to consistently do this can be a real challenge. The key to this is actually not as hard as you would think. Think back to a time when you walked away from a situation and felt proud of the way you handled it. You got what you needed and nobody else was hurt or or deprived. Now think of a situation that got out of hand or just left you feeling stressed out about the work load you allowed to be handed to you. What was the difference in the two situations? Chances are you can say that you allowed one of your personal boundaries to be compromised. If you can’t think of two situations like I described above, no worries, just wait for them to come along and write them down. Include all the feelings you experienced while in both situations. Then, wait for those feelings to pass and look back later on what you wrote down.
It might seem like a lot of work at first glance, but in the long run, boundaries can also enhance the relationships you have with those around you since they can help you feel respected instead of resentful. Your new feelings of respect can empower you to handle many more projects more efficiently in the future.
Here are some tips to help you work through this a little faster; did you know that there are numerous types of boundaries? Here are some of the most common:
Physical boundaries – These can be very tangible “areas” like your body, home or bedroom, or they can be less tangible like your personal space bubble or the volume of one’s voice. You are always allowed to communicate how you want to be touched and how much personal space you need. For example, you can let a colleague know that you’d rather shake hands instead of hugging. Or you can tell your children that you do not want them in your bedroom when you are not home. Maybe it is having a discussion with your toddler about inside voices.
Material boundaries – You can set healthy boundaries about when you’re willing to lend out money or possessions and how you want them to be treated. For instance, you can tell your son that he can only borrow your car if he returns it with a full tank of gas. Or you can tell your wife that you are no longer comfortable lending money to her brother.
Emotional boundaries – This type of boundary might be the hardest one to tap into, because many times you feel different about similar situations. Try to narrow it down to the situations that make you feel the same way all the time (or at least most of the time). If you always feel uncomfortable talking about politics with your colleagues, then communicate to them that you are not comfortable with those types of conversations and politely excuse yourself when the conversation turns that way. If walking through a past trauma with your spouse always ends up in an argument, maybe it is better to communicate that to them and avoid those conversations, or better yet, seek help with a therapist that can help you learn how to navigate them better.
Time boundaries – You can set limits on how you are willing to spend your time. For example, you can tell your boss that you can’t stay late on Fridays any more. Or you can ask your Friends to refrain from calling and texting while you’re having dinner with your family except in case of an emergency.
Start Setting Boundaries in Your Life
Sometimes this process comes naturally, and other times it takes effort. If you need help implementing or communicating boundaries that can make your life more manageable, contact Balanced Mind Counseling today and ask to schedule a consultation with one of the skilled therapists on our team. We understand the many benefits that healthy boundaries can offer, and we’ll work with you to identify the steps you’ll need to take to set them in your life.